“I find being a parent more difficult than being prime minster” : Tony Blair (quoted on HTB parenting course)
Just been looking at some more great parenting materials. The HTB course (DVDs and parenting book) is really helpful. Other good books are:
“Loving your kids on purpose” by Silk. It emphasizes parenting through lovingly enforcing consequences rather than dishing out punishments.
“How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk” by Faber and Mazlish. It has some great cartoons illustrating helpful and unhelpful ways to talk to talk with your children.
And of course the 60 minute Father/mother/family/marriage/ books by Rob Parsons.
Opened Ross Campbell’s “how to really Parent your child” at page 64 which says this:
Behavioral modification involves the use of positive and negative reinforcement to direct the child. Desirable behavior is rewarded, while undesirable behavior is punished. We say that the behavioral modification is neutral because the stimulus can be positive or negative. Technically this is true, but this “neutral” approach carries much negative baggage as the primary way of relating to a child. There are two looming problems:1. It moves parent and child away from the pattern of unconditional love.
2. It moves the child towards a selfish orientation: “what’s my reward?”
If you’re going to use the reward–and–penalty techniques of behavior modification, you should use them very sparingly. If they come to dominate your relationship, your home will become a transaction–based setting where people serve one another not from love but from motives of profit or fear. We all know that this isn’t the environment of love, care, and nurture that God designed the home to have.
On this matter of transactional or legalistic relationships, Paul wrote: “let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another” (Romans 13:8).
That reminds me of the intrinsic vs extrinsic rewards thing I blogged on a while back.