Absent – the key questions we ask our dads

Ok, I just got the film! Let’s put it in the DVD player. I began by comparing a heavy metal  concert with Christian worship and it has led me to this film about Fatherhood featuring James Hetfield, Metallica’s lead singer. You have got to see it for yourself but here are some quotes that stood out for me:

“Think about this. Your Father is the first person in the outside world that either chooses you, or doesn’t. And it’s the answer to that question that will inevitably shape you and everyone around you for the rest of your life and theirs.”

“I can’t think of a man or woman in the jail that I worked in for 14 years that had a good father. I mean it’s just universal.”  The prison worker/preacher guy.

“Every man has one question. One that they are asking. Do I have what it takes? Am I powerful? Am I real? Can I come through? (well four, but it’s the same meaning behind each question!). That is the core question of the masculine journey. That shapes and drives everything a man is and says and does. Do I have what it takes? And the boy is supposed to get the answer to that question from his father.” John Eldridge. Author of Wild at heart.

“The father wound comes when the boy does not receive the affection, the affirmation, and the validation that he needs to become a confident and secure and selfless man.”  John Eldridge. Author of Wild at heart.

“We seek approval. We know our mother loves us. But approval we want from our father”

“The father wound is the most universal wound on this earth”

“So, boy or girl, the father has been given this increasable powerful role to bestow a blessing, an identity, a confidence, an assurance, a settledness in the soul. You walk into any psychologists office, and 9 times out of 10, whatever the presenting problem….the cause is a father wound ” John Eldridge

“In the world today you can almost assume that people carry two wounds. A wound of relationship to authority, because we have had so much bad authority in church and state. And a wound in regard to sexuality.” The prison worker/preacher guy again

“When you try and teach children, your young people, that there is no essential differences between men and women, that brings chaos into the whole social fabric. You take away the beauty and nobility and dignity of gender differences and try to get people to be good men and women, it won’t happen ”. Eldridge

“Every little girl has a question but it’s a different question. And the question goes something like ‘Do you delight in me? Am I worth fighting for? Do you see me? Do you value me? Am I known and am I wanted?’ But she takes that question to her dad as well.” Eldridge


“The number one predictor of sexual promiscuity in teenage girls is no dad.” Eldridge


71% of pregnant teenagers come from a fatherless household.

63% of suicides are from fatherless homes





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